I wrote this post in January and never posted it… time to get over whatever is keeping me from updating this blog. I admit it – I have this fear of posting things that I don’t think will have “tremendous value” to my readers. I wait for an epic art project or event to share, but it holds me back. Yes, it’s been over 3 months and that is just way too long. So here goes, and I’ll update it a bit as it’s now mid-February!
Here we are in 2015! I haven’t done much on the resolutions front for fear of just not holding myself to them yet again. Last year was a struggle for me, if I’m going to be completely honest with myself.
On the first weekend of this year I snapped this photo with my daughter while viewing the Rose Parade floats. I think this year needs to be the year of dreaming big for me.
I seem to have a lot of ideas for projects, creating, new products, etc. but somehow nothing seems to get done. Maybe I need to listen to this fortune that appeared recently at lunch with Maisie at Panda Inn. 😉
Maisie and I avidly watch Shark Tank together. We dream of one day going on that show together. What will that business be – who knows, but you gotta start somewhere right?
Why do I just not seem to get anything done that leads me to where I want to go? I think I only have so much… “get stuff done energy” and lately it’s just all spent on things that I “need” or “have” to do not “want” to do. It’s either work zapping my time and my mental space (at work and at home) or things other than what I really want to be accomplishing.
I find myself sometimes in the midst of the mindless internet wandering and then suddenly think… but why am I not working on the “stuff” I really want to get done. What’s that about? I’m not really sure or am I just afraid to admit the real reason?
Fear of failure.
Stepping outside of my comfort zone.
There is only one failure in life possible, and that is not to be true to the best one knows. George Eliot
I’ve always been the type to do well at what I set out to do… for the most part. There are some personal struggles that are an ongoing battle. The biggest is being able to shift from what I know and trust and move to the unknown where things begin to get a bit uncomfortable… and scary.
I want to see my dreams that lie dormant begin to awaken and shed the chrysalis I’ve shrouded them in.
I want to see these dreams exist, for everyone to see.
I really don’t want this year to be the same as all the rest.
My daughter has just turned 7 and time just escapes me lately. In the end, these dreams are not just for me they are for her too.
Maisie should see what it means to have a dream and see it come to life. I need to show her what’s possible.
I need to stop thinking about why I’m NOT doing these things, I need to think of why I NEED to do them. You’d think it would be so obvious. I didn’t even realize what a circuitous trap I keep existing in. Time to change that.
I need to pick one, just one project, and see it through. If it flops so what, I’ll move on. Then the next, etc. It’s not about making it all perfect, something I struggle with all the time.
Why do you think there hasn’t been a post on this blog for who knows how long?
Each time I think of posting, I talk myself out of it. The thoughts race in…
– Who really cares what I’m up to?
– I don’t have some fabulous art project to share!
– Am I really adding value?
The answer to that is yes… I’m adding value, I’m just being me and that’s valuable enough.
2015 needs to be different… because it’s time.
I am reading between the lines here and I recognize one of my not so fun tendencies: I think you have been too hard on yourself. Maybe I’m wrong and just projecting (because I’m really good at being too hard on myself!). But those perfectionistic thoughts always do more harm than good.
Don’t let those thoughts talk you out of writing or doing other things you love. You add value just by showing up. I could say that to anyone and it would be true. But you have some extra special sauce that makes it doubly true for you. <3
I hear you Wendy!! Thank you for the reply. Yes, I would agree I am too hard on myself and get into the comparing myself to others trap too!! Not good. I wholeheartedly agree that we all have something to add and I appreciate your compliment 🙂 <3. I think it might be time for some more quick #15MinArt soon! I know you're busy creating for your book, which I LOVE by the way!
You most definitely add value and we DO want to hear what you are up to!
However, I can completely understand where you are coming from. Self sabotage hits me quite often as well.
It is that instinctive part of our subconscious always trying to pull us back into comfort and safety. I read a bit about that in the War of Art recently. Not one of my favorite books, but it did talk a bunch about resistance.
Your idea of doing one thing at a time and adjusting based on results sounds like a great one! You can do eeeet! 🙂
Thank you Chris! You’d be surprised what it took for me to publish that. I didn’t realize what resistance I had to sharing anything that was slightly more personal online. Glad I did. I have a feeling there will be more to come as well. I’ve heard a lot about the War of Art, not a fav huh? Forward we go – one thing at a time! At least I posted something and I have another one in draft! That’s progress ;).